0030

I seriously just don't understand it. I am not allowed to forget apparently. I don't even know how to explain this without going into full detail or making it seem like this was something to hide and regret.

Simple answer:
My first job was amazing and horrible at the same time. There's this girl that ruined part of it, a girl I never wanted to see again or even hear her name. The thing is, I forgot she existed. I forgot about that entire time she was around. Until today. They hired her at my work and I think I could smash my hand through a window or just completely trip her and revel in the shit she would eat easily. I ignored her for as long as possible until she came up to me and asked, "So, what, you're not going to say Hi?" I didn't look at her. I shouldn't have even responded but I said, "No," and walked away.

It's just not fair. This is my job. I have been here for 2+ years. She should not be allowed to take over. She's pretty and funny, and charming, if I remember correctly, and I know every one will probably love her. But I know. I know how she is.

0029

It's 2am on Monday. I haven't slept since waking up at 1p on Saturday. Yesterday I cut my bangs and I spent today at work and then went out with Wee. Drinks and dinner at one place, drinks and dessert at another. Borders became the sober up stomping ground where I made some not so sober purchases (I TOLD WEE NOT TO LET ME BUY ANOTHER BOOK!). Oh, and new sunglasses that Wee said she wouldn't be seen with me if I bought them, oh darn!


Dinner was great. My aunt and I had too many margaritas. She doesn't drink (often? at all?) but the last time I saw her we had too many margaritas. It was at my cousin's wedding and, feeling left out from the rest of the family, we drank and stayed up until 3a, talking, on my hotel bed with my mother asleep next to us. I really want to visit Washington so I did a little research and it's just so frustrating at how a vacation would be so expensive. I want to see downtown Seattle. I want to ride the train up the coast. I want to have a grand adventure alone.


These shoes came in yesterday, black version. I love them.

Also, get this. I was told today that some servers at one of the neighboring restaurants heard about our book club and want to join. What's up with that?

0028

Sometimes I worry I'm getting too tan so I take pictures to settle my stomach. After, I edit them warm. IDK. It doesn't make sense, I know. My hair is black (it hasn't been this color since 10th grade) and I feel really comfortable with it. It's been a couple weeks and it's only faded to a dark, dark brown. Normally I'd dye it dark brown and it would fade within a week to a weird medium brownish red, not even my natural hair color.

My aunt and uncle flew down today from Washington. They're only staying until Sunday morning and of course, I'm supposedly on a "need to know" basis with my family. No one told me until Monday evening, the night my work schedule was posted. I tried to swap/give up my Saturday but it's a leper shift. Patio #2. My GM was nice enough to put me on call Hopefully they won't need me.

I love my book club. It started as just the two of us and now there's six.


I want to write more. I want to read more. I want to use the internet less. I want to drink more. I want one of those summers where everyone lives in their bathing suits, no one goes home for longer than a shower time, the sun rises and sets by the pool/beach, and everyone is never sober. I want to drink case after case of beer or champagne.

I need sleeping pills.

0027

reading goals
one upside-down
one french
more bukowski
def all HP series (AGAIN/AGAIN)
keep up with book club

0026

cut my favorite pair of nonwearable jeans into shorts.
am addicted to LUSH and want to shower 4 times a day.
could live off miso soup for the rest of my life, seriously.
harry potter tomorrow omg!
book club on wednesday omg!
actually missed morongo.
miss my kittehs more :(

thanks to the wonders of directTV I am living off discovery health channel, TLC, HGTV, and law&order: criminal intent.

0025

watching: 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time, I fail.
hating: my computer so very much because every single thing I do has a lag, right down to every key I'm writing in this sentence
reading: The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene (heard of it @lj: mozart). When I was thirteen I had my mother buy Metaphysics by Aristotle for me. I just love the subject.
forgetting: that I just took a percocet, really. I was sitting on the couch thinking, why do I feel so weeeeeeeeeeird?
feeling: (besides weeeeeeeird) goddamn dirty because my wake, shower, shower, sleep schedule was interrupted by an early work time. ugh.

my fingers never work correctly.

0024

There are two times in my day when I write journal entries in my head, while I'm driving home from work and right before I get in the shower. They sound so eloquent and interesting until I sit in front of the computer and I find that I've either forgotten how to word things correctly or I just don't feel like explaining. Anything. Anymore.

Ridiculous.


Here is me being eloquent and interesting, I am now reading (and half finished):


Again, I cannot decide between falling asleep at 4a to wake up at 10a grumpy and annoyed or just, you know, foregoing sleep altogether.

I really don't think there will ever be enough hours in a day to satisfy me.

0023

I've had this open on my desktop for the past week and I cannot seem to finish what I've been trying to say.




See how this works (or doesn't work)? I went from written journal phase to online journal phase to doing nothing at all. I don't even read enough. To catch up, I will list. I love lists.

-I took my car in for service and left with a brand new one while saving 1200 dollars in the process.
-Mghn walked out while I was in the shower about two weeks ago. The only person not jumping for joy was Dmnq.
-I saw Anthny at Target a few days ago. I haven't seen him in three years and coincidentally the 5th was the "anniversary" of my virginity, ugh.
-I have been a vegetarian (pescetarian) for four full months. I'm trying to cut out fish from my diet.
-My half brother and half sister found me on myspace and I'm pretty conflicted about it. I don't even use myspace, at all.
-My grandma's cancer has gone horribly wrong and the doctors have given her two choices: go back on chemo (which will not cure anything, they originally recommended stopping the treatment the first time because it wasn't working) or sign into a hospice. I feel like our family is dying.
-Dmnq adopted a dog and ever since Mghn left I have been stuck watching it while she's at work. Half the time she comes home for an hour or so then leaves to have dinner and party at Toucans (our gay club) with Thms. This has started many fights between us because I find it so rude to leave me with this puppy who will pee and shit on the carpet then turn right around and start eating it. Warm. Really. It's fucking disgusting and I have made it so goddamn clear that this is HER dog, not MINE. She would flip out if I even asked her to keep an eye on my cats.

0022

Almost finished: Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
Listening/newly downloaded: Mean Everything to Nothing by Manchester Orchestra

0021

I can hear coachella from my window.

0020

I had plans with Aln around nine last night which turned into having plans around midnight. Since I have felt so in the dark with taxes this year, he offered to help. We used a different tax program than my previous one and, holy shit, I thought I was going to scream with happiness when it told me I was going to get 80 dollars back. EIGHTY DOLLARS. BACK. I don't care that it's not 800, I care that it's not -605 like I was previously told

Now I have this money in my savings and I cannot wait until I can get Neal neutered. I cannot wait until I can get my car the new tires it's needed for the past six months and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a little extra to get the huge scratch erased from the door. Seventy percent of my stress has been erased.




I have only read The End of the Whole Mess so far, but I'm in love. It is a book made for me.

I am a sucker for short stories. I love how the complicated has to be simple and short. I love how easy it is to experiment in style. I am also a sucker for the "end of the world" stories. Not the OMGZOMBIES but just the end, the end of civilization, the end of enlightenment, even someone's last day on earth. It just interests me so much I can't even explain. I think Generation X by Douglas Coupland must have started it with me when I read the book in high school. Fun Fact: Generation X is set where I live.


44583

0019

I find it interesting and annoying that the biggest moments are the ones I never feel like describing. I never seem to be "in the mood" afterward. I am gritting my teeth over the thought of writing this down.


I've already described the FAIL of previous birthdays here and let me just say, the one before them, the one that started the downward spiral of horrible birthdays cannot be explained in one sentence but I will do my best: my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend tried to kill him in front of me. My close friends at work pretty much knew about my birthday luck and they are amazing. They made this year amazing.

We went to Knott's Soak City. 19 people showed up. 19 fucking people and a few of them even had to work that evening. Jnll bought us a private cabana and we did shots all day long. I rode every slide drunk and I can still hear Shwn yelling, "SHE'S A LADY, IT'S HER BIRTHDAY, SHE'S A LAAAADY!" We were cut off. We almost got kicked out. We were surrounded by security. It was just awesome.

My work friends are awesome.

My other friends, another story. They bolted for the rides the moment we got there, without me. I never went on one with Dmnq and Mghn and only one with Jby and Lw. D&M left just a few hours later without saying goodbye.

But it didn't matter. My work friends noticed and told me they should fuck off, not to care about them. I was high and drunk and I was having so much fun. I didn't even burn. Now that's amazing.

Nine of us went to dinner, the mariachi band swarmed our table and sang me songs for my birthday. I passed out on the way home.



Today I added #3 to the "Major Stupid Things Mghn Says" list. Major meaning she says unthoughtful, ridiculous things every day, but sometimes there are a few gems hiding in the mix. After my shower every morning (afternoon) I walk into the living room and Mghn will have a netflix watch instantly movie on (we don't have cable so we hook Dmnq's macbook to the HD TV and I'm sure Mghn would shrivel up and die without it). This morning (afternoon) it was A Clockwork Orange and the moment she sees me she says, "I just wanted to remember why it's so stupid." Uh, WHAT? I didn't know what to say to that and Mghn is someone that, at times, it makes no sense to argue with her, the rest of us realized this trait right away and pretty much spend our time with her waiting for a moment alone so we can laugh till we cry about most of the things that come out of her mouth. Back to the point. I really loved A Clockwork Orange during high school and, I'm sure, I didn't understand it too well and right now I can't really tell you I even like it anymore but even I know you can't call it stupid. Pet peeve right there, when someone can't understand something, it's stupid. Don't do it. It's not fair. If you can't get the point, the reason, the moral, it's no where near stupid. Mghn didn't know the movie was set in the future. She laughed and giggled through the conditioning scene.


I am craving coleslaw.


AND JUST BECAUSE IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, MATTHEW GOODE GIF SPAM.

0018

Today is my birthday.

I was born on a Wednesday, during a new moon.

It is the 99th day of the year and also, for myself, the 99th day of being a vegetarian (actually, pescatarian).

On this day:
In 193, Septimius Severus was proclaimed Roman Emperor by the army in Illyricum. I just love his name.
In 1413, Henry V (one of the most significant English warrior kings of the 15th century) was crowned King of England.
In 1682, Robert Cavelier de La Salle discovered the mouth of the Mississippi River, claimed it for France and named it Louisiana. When I visit Louisiana, I will finally be able to die happy.
In 1865, Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse, Virginia, effectively ending the Civil War.
In 1867, Passed by a single vote, the United States Senate ratified a treaty with Russia for the purchase of Alaska.

Births:
1926 – Hugh Hefner
1954 – Dennis Quaid
1963 – Marc Jacobs
1974 - Jenna Jameson
1974 - Alexander Pichushkin
1977 – Gerard Way
1982 – Jay Baruchel
1986 – Leighton Meester
1987 – Jesse McCartney
1990 – Kristen Stewart
1998 – Elle Fanning

This year, it is Maundy Thursday to Christians. It commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles.

0017

For April Fool's day I put red food coloring in Dmnq's milk and poked holes in the bottom of Dmnq and Mghn's styrofoam cups. Oh man, I would have paid money to see the look on Mghn's face when she tried to pour herself some soda, I certainly heard all about it after work. Sadly, no one fooled me. I spent the entire day surrounded by people who seemed to have NO CLUE what the first of April entailed. It was lame.


I have been playing Resident Evil 5 with Jby and I am just so into it. We yell and scream at each other and laugh so hard we can't breathe. I look foreword to the few times our schedules match, even when it's just half a day.

I am not sure what it is but I seem to only take pictures on my phone recently.


I decided years ago that the love of my life will most certainly buy me a huge map as a gift because they will know how much I'll need one the moment we meet.


When I get frustrated, I cry which means that there have been two stages in my life that I spent soaked in tears. Junior year in high school and the years during my first job. The problem with this bullshit crying bit is that I hate showing that sort of weak emotion, specifically in public, which leads to even more frustration and even more tears. I cannot stand it. I hate every bit of this ridiculous shit in me but it will not change.

Take last Thursday. I forgot to renew my license that will expire in a few days so I decided to overnight my mail renewal form and payment. I went to two post offices and FedEx Kinkos. FedEx won't deliver to po boxes and the US post office was so jammed with people that I didn't even know where to start. The whole choosing the size of the envelop, making sure it's the right envelop for the job, finding the right paper work for the job AND envelop, and hoping you made the right choice or else a ton of people in line behind you will probably key your car in the parking lot, was too much for me to handle. I jumped out of line and decided, fuck it, I'll send it in the slow boring way and just hope that the rest of April is really lucky for me. Well, the stamp machines weren't working, one was not even on and the other refused every bill I put in it.

(The more I admit to the situations that seem petty but freak me out unreasonably the more I understand that I must have inherited my father's social anxiety disorder. The disorder that my mother only told me about in the past few years and followed it with, "If I had known that before, I probably wouldn't have wanted to have a child with him.")

I didn't so much as freak out over the entire situation, it was just so frustrating. Frustration is undealable with me. I wanted to scream and pull out my hair. I wanted to smash my hand through a window. I wanted to fucking hit someone in the face. I really didn't want to cry but I did, in my car, on the way home, and there is that other reason why I love big sunglasses.

0016

I have been recently addicted to dark chocolate covered pretzels. Though, when I eat them, at every single bite, I think, Is it salty from the pretzel? Or is my mouth bleeding? but it doesn't seem to hinder me because I cannot stop.

I can feel a hot one has been my favorite song for a while now.

I wish I was a med student because I'd really like to know exactly where my organs are located.



Complaining time:

Why do I always feel alone in my judgments?

I've provided alcohol for myself and my roommates (retarded BFF/Dmnq and her gf/Mghn) for the past four months.

A couple days ago I bought strawberry daiquiri mix. We drank it all. Today Dmnq mentioned we should have another daiquiri night. I already had plans with Rbkh to see I Love You, Man in theaters around 10pm but I thought, why not? There's always time for drinks.

Rbkh is my smart friend. My friend who completely understands and complains along with me about the selfishness of Dmnq, about all the little stuff we do for her and Mghn and how they would never EVER think about reciprocating.

So, I buy stuff to make guacamole and find out that the tortilla chips we had at home were thrown away. I send Dmnq a text. I ask her to pick up mix and chips. She replies, "Aren't we going to the movies, tonight? I'll get the mix later, we've only got 100 dollars for food this week."

OH I'M SORRY. Maybe you only have 100 dollars for food because your gf never works and you've spent your money buying her three laptops in the span of four months, two of which are Macs, and she just keeps breaking them.

Besides that silent point, I ask her why she's going to the movies then.

Rbkh is paying for the three of them.

Am I alone here? Am I alone thinking that the people who make themselves suffer and who care about no one but themselves SHOULD suffer? I don't even want to go to the movie anymore, I feel so sick and sour with disappointment and annoyance.

0015

I am horrible with nostalgia.
I should have gone to bed when I had the chance. There's no turning back now.

0014

I have always written journal entries in my head, long, clever ones that I forget the moment I pick up a pen.


My teeth have been hurting for the past month, traveling up to my ear, and I've been popping Advil here and Tylenol there. Why can't I live in a country with affordable health care? I would even settle for being able to just pay monthly for a dental/vision plan, nothing else, but it doesn't work that way. I think it's kind of pathetic that my major goals in life are cutting my credit cards down to two and saving money for dental work.


Dmnq chopped my hair off at the beginning of January and once a week someone asks if I've cut it again. I have not. My hair must never grow. I just want super long, thick, wavy hair that rarely falls out. My biggest peeve with my long hair was the shedding in the shower. I hated the look, the feel, and my drain hated it too.


I need a comfortable desk chair.

0013

I feel like I should know this date.

0012

My HULU addiction has waned only because I've exhausted all my resources. I've watched practically every SNL skit and I'm all caught up on the tv shows. Now, my heart flutters when my Hulu folder of rss feeds tells me there's a new video. THIS IS WHAT EXCITEMENT IS: A NEW LIE TO ME EPISODE.


Jby came by after a long absence and picked up the new Resident Evil for us to play. Reminded me of the months I lived with Kvn and his constant xbox 360 marathons. I used to love watching him play. I'd get into it, DON'T GO IN THERE- TURN!TURN!TURN!- BEHIND YOU OMG, and I'd talk to his buddies through the mic. I'm horrible at the two joystick thingy and the multiple movements for views. I am a first person player. I loved Call of Duty.

So Jby came by while I was at the gym with Mother and he waited until I was done. The roommates/ his sister and her gf weren't around which probably gave him no excuse not to. The only time they talk recently ends with them yelling at each other mostly caused by Mghn and how Dmnq has changed since.

It was fun. I missed hanging out with someone who I can have long conversations with summarized by, "have you seen this on youtube?!" "OMG the new south park episode!!!" "Dude, do NOT tell me you haven't heard..." and so on. We are very appreciative of the internet and I feel like no one understands us. We're quoters. Every day life is better explained by internet quotes be it movies or lyrics or comedy skits.



When Dmnq came home she told me of her trip to the dentist, "I told them I'd be back when I've sold my kidney. Can you believe it, I have to save 150 dollars by the 17th of April for my filling."

My response, "Oh my god, that sucks," ... "Suck my balls."




I hate posting pictures that are not mine but, like any blogger, my inspire! folder has a few images I just love. Since I've saved them on my hard drive, I don't remember where half of them are from and that makes me feel guilty. I've started a separate photo account for these so far apart from my flickr that I've put them on photobucket.

I do not own any of these images.



I went through a phase where all I could think about were plants. I used to dream about green, leafy, in all different shaped pots, hung from the ceiling, vines crawling up indoor walls, plantssssss. Until Aln told me that, at night, plants throw it in reverse and steal my air. Balloon popped.


And this. I'm going to rasterbate this if only for the LOLs. Mghn will love it.

0011

March has not treated me well.


You think, okay, so I owe 605 dollars to the IRS. Okay. It'll be fine. You can do it. Positive, positive, positive. Think like Aln.

But really, you're screwed.

The only thing on your mind recently is, alright, things can't be anymore difficult, it can't get any worse, and then.

You're taking the long walk from work to your car this evening after a particularly annoying shift that began with the fact that you were actually at work at a god-awful hour (1130a and four hours of sleep) and ended with having to cancel plans with your mother because today was the day they decided you needed to be in the restaurant hours longer than needed, thinking Irish cream! Nap! Shower! Clst&Rbkh! Vegetarian cabbage & red potato soup! Not thinking, of course, 605 605 605 605, which was your fatal mistake. Feeling positive is not in your cards, so says the universe, and to slap you out if it your car gets keyed. KEYED. Your most valued possession, your Civic, Henry, gets keyed.


Yep, the worst is yet to come.



Spent St. Patrick's day with Clst&Rbkh, the roommates, and Thms. We did Irish car bombs after Irish car bomb. We watched youtube clips and spent most of the night sitting outside. It was ridiculously hot inside even with the windows and doors open; we blame Mghn's all day soup making. They took an absurd amount of pictures while I watched. Thms and I ran to Albertson's for more Guinness. It was a more fun and less crazy/wasted holiday than years past.




My ear and teeth still hurt and I cannot drink enough water. I need bigger glasses.

0010

0009

0008

Disneyland was so fun that I was still exhausted on Sunday. I was surprised at how easy and non-frustrating the trip was as compared to last year. I don't think anyone complained once except for, maybe, after splash mountain and how SOAKING WET we became. My constant babble through the entire ride consisted of, "bad idea, this was such a bad idea, I shouldn't have begged you guys to come with me, omg bad idea." Indiana Jones' was broken several times and after standing in line once we gave up. Thms and I had fun laughing like idiots and screaming profanities on all the rides.


I did meet the man of my dreams and I think it says something for Dmnq's friendship since she saw him first and immediately told me she found my new boyfriend (to which I responded, "SHUT UP," because he was walking over to us). His name was Tim and we were in a souvenir shop. I paid for my hat with his assistance. I saw him two other times in various shops and pulled everyone into the store just so I could pretend to be browsing while I watched him count the drawers. Okay, I sound like a creep, moving on...


Dinner was at Joe's Crab Shack. They danced and sang (which made me very grateful for my non-dancing and non-singing job) and made Dmnq stand on a chair for her birthday while yelling about all the crabs she had.


Sunday, I saw WATCHMEN in theaters by myself. The showtimes were 955 and 1025. I bought my ticket at 1010 and they gave me the one for 955. I talked to the kid taking the ticket and he told me there wouldn't be a problem if I sat in the 1025 theater but, three minutes before the previews started the manager came by, asking me what I was doing there, if I had my ticket. I was sitting alone. After things cleared up and he radioed the projector guy to start the movie for me, more people arrived. Maybe, 10. No one appreciated it as much as I did. People are ridiculous.

I fucking loved it.

Adrian Veidt will always be my biggest comic book crush. I loved the smartest man in the world in the novel and in the movie. He is just. So. Bad. Ass. Even with his secret "boys" folder on his computer.

And anything with Billy Crudup, seriously.

0007

I am bothered. Someone has to know this because I rarely have anyone to tell situations, emotions, stories, or dreams to who will not turn every sentence out of my mouth back towards themselves. I understand the I Am Sympathizing With You By Telling My Own Version, and I am plenty guilty of just that, but sometimes you just need an ear, a "What the fuck?", a "What happened next?", or an "Are you serious?!"

For someone who has to share her income with her deadbeat, "I can't get a second job because my first one will cut my 12 hours a week to just 8," girlfriend, Dmnq is pretty selfish. Birthdays are the perfect example.

The year she turned 21, her job wouldn't allow public drinking. I drove us out of town, in my new car, for her first margarita and paid for half her dinner while our other friends barely chipped in for the appetizer. A month later, when I turned 21, we had the same plans: drive out of town so we could drink together. While I was halfway through my 60 minute trip to pick up our friend that was 20 minutes from her, she called and cancelled. She didn't have the money, she said. Her car needed an oil change. We spent my 21st birthday at a restaurant in town (my future place of employment) while I drank alone and didn't have much fun until later that night.

Year 22, Trip Disneyland. I offer to pay for the hotel room. I book it but have to cancel because she changes the day last minute. Thms books it instead. I pay for half and Thms pays the other and the park ticket for Dmnq's gf. Dmnq gets in for free. A month later, the day before I turn 21 again, our plans for a beach trip are ruined because, yet again, while driving, she tells me she never requested the following day off. She doesn't have the money anyways. I spend my birthday at my mother's house, alone, buying a ridiculous amount of self presents online between choking on tears, phone calls from my mother ("I don't want you to be sad on your birthday."), and directTV.

This year, today, year 23, another Disneyland Trip and already I get a text during work at 1033p, "where r u? we're leaving at 6!" Off work, I call, "SIX?! You want to get to Anaheim before EIGHT?! I thought we're leaving at eight." Nope, she decided we not only needed to eat lunch and dinner out but breakfast too. Wow, must be nice to suddenly be made of money, oh wait...

I'm going to let it roll off me today. I know there will be plenty of drama, sides will be taken, people will be ditched, but this is my vacation too, this is my birthday present to myself, I will be in charge of my own decisions. Who cares if I have to wander alone to enjoy myself. I AM GOING ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN.



Work, by the way, was just fine until the last table. Really, table **, you can suck my dick, you fucking assholes.



And I love these shoes from Urban Outfitters. If only.

It is almost 5a and I haven't slept. We leave in an hour.

0006

-March 5th was Eat Cheese Stuffed Finger Food Day in aprilk world.
-No crazily realistic dreams in the past few days. Am crazily day dreaming, though.
-Work was sloooooow. Lunches are torture.
-Disneyland on Saturday. OMGHOWMANYMOREHOURS?!
-Goal #1 for March: Get Rid of Earache.
-Heartbroken due to bar crush of 2 years having girlfriend of 20.

0005

I have a horrible hulu addiction. I have watched all SNL digital shorts and commercials. I'm half way through the 482 clips. I need rehab, holy crap. I do have to say that I've developed a new celeb crush. The Lonely Island boys. I've had Incredibad in my car for over a week and Jby keeps telling me I need to give it a break before I wear myself out. IMPOSSIBLE! I haven't had a celeb crush for years, ever since my GC days (don't judge me! I never thought they were genius status, just something to obsess over during my 11th grade, lonely independent school days). Okay, that has to be a tmi statement. I'm not one to admit to embarrassing things concerning taste. Scratch that last part.


Taken from my cell:




(almost finished!)


Annnnd, new hair color. Exciting, right? Before & After:




Also, 20 dollar pumps.





Alright, I just want to do the "Friend Complaining," and I'm trying to write it out but, at the moment, it's just become too confusing to explain. Next time. Just, when someone invites you to dinner, to PAY FOR IT, don't fucking complain, K? No, "There's nothing for me to eat here," or "It's so expensive." You sound like an asshole. Also, I mean, is it too much to ask for a goddamn fucking THANK YOU? Three friends and I didn't hear it from a single person. Really.


you can be the port that i park my vessel in.

0004

about to watch the 3.7/10 starred Prom Night, if my internet will allow NetFlix to work.

tired of wasting time on hulu.com watching SNL Digital Shorts, Lie to Me, Dollhouse, and Family Guy episodes.

hungry but w/o groceries since I've spent all my money on WORTHLESS INEDIBLE items at various online/target/wal*mart stores over the past week.

in pain from teeth hurting soooo badly.

regretting how licorice crazy I went at Target tonight.

fever free!

0003

When you drink, you won't shut up. Two things happen and they both involve your mouth. One, you ask questions, you'll zone in on one subject and ask enough questions to frustrate. you want to know everything about everyone, who they've loved, who they've met, who they've hurt, who, what, when, where, dates of birth, relationships, anything. Two, you'll tell anyone anything. You'll tell them your date of birth and who you've loved (which RIGHT THERE is the problem), what you did that morning, what you dreamed, your goals, your deep goddamn secrets. You've been trying to learn to keep quiet but mostly, it doesn't work too well.

Like last night with coworkers, at Piero's, and your three and a half martini's (one of which you spilled on your cell phone, red dot a-okay though) and you asked Dg SO MANY QUESTIONS he threatened to punch you while you skipped from one subject to the next, never letting him finish a thought before you moved on, faster and faster. You also told him to go ahead, punch you, you've never been in an actual fight and you'd like to know what getting hit in the face felt like, but hold up a second, you need to take your glasses off first. Wndy turns to you, last night, and asks, have you ever been with a woman? And, ever the question queen, you ask back, do you mean sexually? then NO. Ha, they were ready to skip to the next subject when you opened wide and yelled, if you had asked me, if I've ever been in love with a woman, I would have answered YES, but NO, not sexually and JP, Dg, and Wndy stop. Look at you. Pause forever. And then continue on. They heard you and processed, then moved on.



Blaming the three day fever is probably your best bet. You've been sick for a week, barely able to work and everything has just been hot, cold, sweater on, sweater off, covers on, covers off, all day, all night. Your ear hurts which means your teeth hurt or your teeth hurt which means your ear hurts, whichever works for you.

You've been spending too much money also. Seriously. Stop it. RentRentRent is a number one, here. Not the 50 dollar, floor model, ipod nano regularly priced at 150. Okay, so maybe having a roommate in the technology market is actually a pretty awesome thing. The box wine from Target today was not a necessity, though. Actually every part of the 92 dollars spent at Target wasn't a necessity except, maybe, the paper towels. And the advil. And tylenol.

0002

-wearing: a blanket
-listening: POE, Haunted... because (I don't exactly remember how) I was reminded I've bought the cd twice and have lost it twice in the span of 5 years. It's now downloaded on my itunes.
-wondering: why on earth did I buy butter today?

0001

Sometimes I am interested in writing online. Mostly I stick to my paper journal but the keyboard just makes every thought appear faster. I want to be here for years and look back at the time when I lived with my good friend and her girlfriend. The time with my FUCKING CRAZY wall climbing kittens and the job that I can't really figure out if I hate or love.

Wow, I'd really love some kind of reassurance that everyone I write about will never stumble upon this. Goddamn honesty.

I guess I'm starting sick, freezing, and popping equate brand dayquil, or Day Time as written.

Nothing too interesting.

Except that my flower is blooming and I can't even remember what I've planted but rain water must do some wonders.

Feb10

I am ready for a change.

Jan13

Jan12

1030p haircut.

Jan11

A year ago.

Jan10

Jan9

It's freezing in this here desert.

Jan8

Jan7

So it goes...